Expounding on the reality of the above, Hazrat Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi رحمه الله said:
“I will tell you something worth millions. It is that one should be able to differentiate between natural grief and self-imposed grief, which are two distinct and separate things. The duration of natural grief is very short. It disappears by itself very quickly. Yes, self-imposed grief, which is created by one’s own conscious thinking and increased by repeatedly making mention of it, is indeed severe, but its occurrence and persistence are voluntary and within ones control.
By not speaking about it and not even deliberately bringing it to mind or paying attention to it, such self-imposed grief will not even come near to you.
As for feeling natural grief, it is certainly involuntary and one cannot help feeling it, but bear in mind that it is neither unbearable nor does it last for very long.
The Sharia has set its duration at just three days; accordingly, offering condolences to the bereaved after three days is impermissible.
Then, if one reflects on its wisdom, one will realize that Allah Almighty has given this grief purely out of mercy.
In other words, He wants to give a special treasure, and grief has been made the only means of acquiring it.
The wisdom underlying the feeling of grief:
Human beings are social beings (who need one another), and society is dependent on empathy (the ability to understand and share the feelings of another), and empathy, in turn, is dependent on tenderness of heart (a hardhearted person cannot relate to the hardships of others).
In order to rekindle and rejuvenate the tenderness of the heart, from time to time, things that cause tenderness such as grief, etc. are experienced. If this feeling is not rekindled and rejuvenated from time to time, then this faculty and ability will become completely inactive.
Indeed, physicians have explicitly stated that a faculty that is not used becomes dormant and useless.
In any case, the wisdom underlying the feeling of grief is that it rekindles the heart’s tenderness and refreshes the quality of mercy. This quality of empathy, mercy and kind-heartedness is a great treasure that is at times useful and beneficial for Deeni matters, and for worldly matters as well.”
(Anfaas Essa)