The Cycle of Life
Picture building a house from scratch. From nothing, the builder painstakingly digs the foundation, lays bricks for the first wall. Then the second. Then the third. Every brick is painstakingly laid. Each new wall, a sense of achievement. A ‘milestone’ of sorts. Every inch enjoys his personal touch. Gradually, his vision starts coming to life. After many months of blood, sweat and tears (often literally), the basic structure is somewhat complete. Now he puts on the roof, windows and doors to protect the interior he designs. Every tile laid, every attention to detail, every thought which goes into it, is a piece of himself which he’s investing in this structure. Finally, after all the effort and strife, he can admire this finished product; only he knows how much he has put into it.
Now imagine this for a moment; this builder gets to admire this structure for a few days, and that’s it. It goes to someone else to enjoy and call theirs. Ouch!
Alas, this holds a resemblance, albeit on a smaller scale, to parenthood. We bring our children up from literal nothingness. The journey of the parent begins right from conception. The nervous excitement at every checkup, The fear with every gestational pain. Rearranging, decluttering. Nesting. So much has already changed in the lives of both parents, before their bundle of joy has even formed a finger.
The child is born (every parent knows what that part of the journey entails!) , grows and develops. Every night, when he closes his little eyes, the parents feel a sense of achievement. Every milestone is cheered and celebrated, every bump and bruise is lamented. But, they are resilient. And like the builder, they generously pour their blood, sweat and tears into bringing up this beautiful child. Every sleepless night, every moment waiting on doctors and results, every second spent planning, hoping and loving, is a piece of the parent invested into this child. Only the parent knows how much they have invested in this child. Most of the journey is unbeknown to the world.
The parents enjoy this child for a short while. And in the snap of a finger, the child moves on with their life. That bundle of joy finds a spouse and gets married. He will move along to begin writing his own story, and he shall be enjoyed by someone else. Ouch? Not really. Because the reality is, that these very same parents, once walked this very same road in order to begin writing their own story. This cycle must continue; the cycle of life.
In Surah Inshiqaaq, Allah Ta’ala emphasizes the inevitability of this cycle. Allah Ta’ala begins by taking three oaths.
I (Allah Ta’ala) swear by the twilight (after sunset). And by the night and all that it envelops. And by the moon when it becomes full.
Thereafter, He most beautifully shows the cycle of life.
You will most definitely pass the journey (of life) from stage to stage. [Al-Inshiqaaq:16-19]
The builder teaches us an important lesson. He pours everything he has into the project. Yet, he feels a sense of achievement and satisfaction when he sees his workmanship appreciated by others. He has come to accept that he did not labour, to call this home his own forever. Rather, he accepts the transfer and embraces it.
As parents, we too should embrace the cycle of life, for fighting it is an exercise in futility. Remember, our effort is not without reward, for certainly, our struggles have moulded that once unlettered child into a well-rounded adult human being. A young man/woman with sterling character, excellent etiquette, courageous, loving, helpful, soft-hearted etc. Someone who is ready to conquer the challenges of life and build a family. A perfect, beautiful little family. A family to call theirs.
We must remind ourselves to feel a sense of achievement and satisfaction at this. We must encourage our children to build a stable, happy family unit. Because once the dust settles, the reality is; our ‘workmanship’ is on display. The way my son treats his wife and children is a reflection of the way I, a husband and father, conducted myself at home. The way my daughter carries herself in her marital home, is a direct reflection of me as a mother and wife. My son as a husband and father. My daughter as a wife and mother. They will execute according to the values I instilled in them as a parent.
And ultimately, we must remember that long after we have passed on, our child will be with his/her family. How short-sighted would it be for us to spoil our own child’s life, merely to feed our insecurities.
Inshallah, in the next article we will provide a few directives to parents regarding the delicate role we play in our children’s post-married lives.