Below is an article prepared by Mufti Zameelur Rahmaan (Hafizahullah) of the UK, a student of Hazrat Mufti Ebrahim Desai (Rahimahullah). Mufti Sahib clarifies the responsibilities of both spouses from an Islamic perspective. Many a time we find ourselves unaware of our Islamic obligations in marriage. This gives scope for unislamic customs and expectation in marriage. and certainly, whatever not the way of Islam will only cause pain and difficulty.
It is, however, prudent to keep in mind that marriage is not a relationship which is always by the book. We must be ever willing to compromise for our spouse and go beyond the call for them. This will engender love and security within the marriage.
Question
Are wives responsible for housework?
Answer
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said: “Each of you is responsible and will be asked about his responsibility…The man is responsible for [maintaining] his household and the woman is responsible for [the upkeep of] the house and children of her husband.” (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, 5200) Imām al-Khaṭṭabi (Rahimahullah) explains: “As for a man’s responsibility over his family, it [means] supervising them, managing their affair and fulfilling their right of maintenance and [good] companionship. As for the woman’s responsibility over the house of her husband, it [means] good management in the upkeep of his house and minding those under her care like [his] dependents, guests and servants.” (A‘lām al-Ḥadīth, 1:580) [1]
It is reported that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) determined that Faṭimah (Radiyahllahu Anha), his daughter, is responsible for the work inside the house, while Ali (Radiyahllahu Anhu), her husband, is responsible for the work outside the house. (Muṣannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah, 29677) [2] ‘Abid al-Sindi (Rahimahullah) explains that work “outside the house” refers to things like “collecting firewood and water, and acquiring maintenance”, while work “inside the house” refers to activities like “grinding, baking and kneading”. (Ṭawāli‘ al-Anwār, 6:410) [3] The work was so difficult for Faṭimah (Radiyahllahu Anha) that she complained to the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) of marks on her hands, and asked for a maidservant. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam), however, told her that better than a maidservant is to recite Tasbiḥ before going to sleep. (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, 5361) The author of al-Hidayah, Imam al-Marghinani (Rahimahullah), thus explains: “When a woman is from those who serve themselves, she must cook and bake [and do housework], because the Prophet (upon him peace) allocated the chores inside the house to Fatimah (Radiyahllahu Anha).” (Mukhtārāt al-Nawāzil, 2:194) [4]
That is, wives who are able and do not come from a rich family which normally employs maidservants or workers must do housework. Imam al-Sarakhsi (Rahimahullah) explains: “That which is obligatory on her by virtue of marriage is handing herself over to the husband to derive [sexual] benefit. She is commanded to do chores apart from that as a religious [obligation] though she will not be juridically compelled – like sweeping the house, washing the clothes, cooking and baking; and likewise, nursing the child.” (al-Mabsūt, 5:209) [5] In other words, just like breastfeeding the child is obligatory on the mother, it is obligatory on her to do the chores of the house.
In one version of the incident of Faṭimah (Radiyahllahu Anha), before exhorting her to make Tasbiḥ before sleeping, the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said to her: “Be conscious of Allah Ta’ala, Faṭimah, fulfil the obligation of your Lord and do the work of your family.” (Sunan Abū Dāwūd, 2988) [6] ‘Abid al-Sindi (Rahimahullah) comments that this Hadith proves that “every woman capable of chores must do them” (Ṭawāli‘ al-Anwār, 6:411) [7], explaining that “once the ruling about Faṭimah is known, it would be more so [the case] with other women.” (ibid.) [8]
The following are some relevant narrations.
Asmaa and Zubayr (Radiyahllahu Anhuma)
Asmaa, the daughter of Abu Bakr (Radiyahllahu Anhu), says: “Zubayr (Radiyahllahu Anhu) married me when he had no wealth on the earth nor a slave, nor anything, besides a camel and horse. So, I used to feed his horse, draw water and patch up his leather bucket and knead [flour]. I wasn’t good at baking. Neighbours of mine from the Anṣar, who were women of integrity, would bake. I also used to transport date stones on my head from a land of Zubayr (Radiyahllahu Anhu) which the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) endowed to him. It was two miles from me. I came one day while the date stones were on my head and met the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) while a group of Anṣar were with him. He invited me saying, ‘Kneel, kneel’ [to the camel] to carry me behind him; I was embarrassed to travel with men and remembered Zubayr’s (Radiyahllahu Anhu) possessiveness – he was the most possessive of people! The Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) recognised that I was embarrassed so continued. I came to Zubayr (Radiyahllahu Anhu) and told him, ‘The Messenger of Allāh (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) met me while date stones were on my head and a group of his companions were with him, so he made the camel kneel for me to ride, but I was embarrassed and remembered your possessiveness.’ He said: ‘By Allāh, the fact you carry date stones [on your head] is harder upon me than you riding with him (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam).’ Eventually, Abu Bakr sent a servant to me thereafter, which took care of managing the horse, and it was like he emancipated me!” (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, 5224) [9]
Note, this was before the obligation of Hijab (purdah/separation between genders) (Fatḥ al-Bārī, 11:675) [10], which is why the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) invited her to ride with him. In one version, Asmaa (Radiyahllahu Anha) says: “I used to do the housework for Zubayr (Radiyahllahu Anhu) …” (Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, 5687) [11] Imam al-Ghazali (Rahimahullah) quotes this incident in his Iḥyaa while exhorting wives to do housework. (Iḥyā’ ‘Ulūm al-Dīn, 3:232-3) Qaḍi Iyaḍ (Rahimahullah) explains that the work Asmaa (Radiyahllahu Anha) did outside the house, i.e. taking care of the horse and carrying the date stones, was not something necessary on her, but extra. (Ikmāl al-Mu‘lim, 7:75)
Aisha (Radiyahllahu Anha) and Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam)
One of the Ahl al-Ṣuffah reports that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) invited him and a group of the Ahl al-Ṣuffah to his house, and said: “Feed us Aishah”, upon which she brought something to eat, and then he said “Bring us more Aishah,” so she brought a little more, and then he (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said: “Give us drink Aishah”, and she brought a container of milk… (Muṣannaf ‘Abd al-Razzāq, 20712, Musnad Ibn Abī Shaybah, 607, Sunan Abū Dāwūd, 5040) The Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) would clean his teeth using a Siwak and then give it to Aishah (Radiyahllahu Anha) to wash. (Sunan Abū Dāwūd, 52) On one occasion, he told her, “Bring the knife and sharpen it with a stone.” (Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, 5086) However, it was also part of the excellent and noble character of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) that he would assist in the housework. (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, 676)
Umm Sulaym and Abu Ṭalḥah (Radiyahllahu Anhuma)
Anas (Radiyahllahu Anhu) reports: “A son of [my stepfather] Abu Ṭalḥah (Radiyahllahu Anhu) from [my mother] Umm Sulaym (Radiyahllahu Anha) died [in his absence]. She said to her family: ‘Do not tell Abu Ṭalḥah (Radiyahllahu Anhu) about his son until I am the one to tell him.’ He came, and she presented supper before him, so he ate and drank. She then did herself up for him in the most attractive manner she used to. He then engaged in intercourse with her. When she saw that he was satisfied and had had intercourse with her, she said: ‘Abu Ṭalḥah (Radiyahllahu Anhu), what is your opinion if some people were to lend something to a family and then demand their loan back, can they withhold it from them?’ He said: ‘No.’ She said: ‘Then seek reward [by observing patience] at [the death of] your son!’ He became angry saying, ‘You left me to become soiled and then you inform me of [the death of] my son?!’ He then proceeded until he came to the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) and informed him of what happened. The Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said: ‘Allah has blessed the two of you last night.’ She then conceived…” (Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, 6317) [12]
What these reports demonstrate is that the concern of the Saḥabah (Radiyahllahu Anhum) was how best to fulfil their obligations and reduce the burdens of their spouses. Their primary concern was not how best to gain from their marriage, but how best to give and contribute. Hence, we see in the example of Asmaa and Zubayr (Radiyahllahu Anhuma) that Asmaa’s (Radiyahllahu Anha) concern was for Zubayr (Radiyahllahu Anhu) and Zubayr’s (Radiyahllahu Anhu) concern was for Asmaa. And from the example of Umm Sulaym (Radiyahllahu Anha) we can see that such attitude shows great strength of character and is a cause of blessings.
[1] أما رعاية الرجل أهله فالقيام عليهم والسياسة لأمرهم وتوفيتهم الحق في النفقة والعشرة، وأما رعاية المرأة في بيت زوجها فحسن التدبير في أمر بيته والتعهد لمن تحت يدها من عياله وأضيافه وخدمه
[2] قضى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم على ابنته فاطمة خدمة البيت وقضى على عليه بما كان خارج البيت
[3] فجعل أعمال الخارج أي مما يتعلق بخارج البيت كإتيان الحطب والماء وتجصيل النفقة على علي رضي الله تعالى عنه وجعل أعمال الداخل كالطحن والخبز والعجن على فاطمة رضي الله تعالى عنها
[4] إذا كانت المرأة ممن تخدم نفسها فعليها الطبخ والخبز لأن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم جعل خدمة داخل البيت على فاطمة رضي الله عنها
[5] المستحق عليها بالنكاح تسليم النفس إلى الزوج للاستمتاع وما سوى ذلك من الأعمال تؤمر به تدينا ولا تجبر عليه في الحكم نحو كنس البيت وغسل الثياب والطبخ والخبز فكذلك إرضاع الولد
[6] اتقى الله يا فاطمة وأدى فريضة ربك واعملي عمل أهلك
[7] في قوله صلى الله عليه وسلم: اتقى الله يا فاطمة واعملي عمل أهلك دليل على أن كل امرأة تطيق الخدمة يلزمها خدمة بيتها
[8] إذا علم الحكم في فاطمة فهو في غيرها بالأولى
[9] تزوجني الزبير، وما له في الأرض من مال ولا مملوك، ولا شيء غير ناضح وغير فرسه، فكنت أعلف فرسه وأستقي الماء، وأخرز غربه وأعجن، ولم أكن أحسن أخبز، وكان يخبز جارات لي من الأنصار، وكن نسوة صدق، وكنت أنقل النوى من أرض الزبير التي أقطعه رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم على رأسي، وهي مني على ثلثي فرسخ، فجئت يوما والنوى على رأسي، فلقيت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ومعه نفر من الأنصار، فدعاني ثم قال: «إخ إخ» ليحملني خلفه، فاستحييت أن أسير مع الرجال، وذكرت الزبير وغيرته وكان أغير الناس، فعرف رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم أني قد استحييت فمضى، فجئت الزبير فقلت: لقيني رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم، وعلى رأسي النوى، ومعه نفر من أصحابه، فأناخ لأركب، فاستحييت منه وعرفت غيرتك، فقال: والله لحملك النوى كان أشد علي من ركوبك معه، قالت: حتى أرسل إلي أبو بكر بعد ذلك بخادم تكفيني سياسة الفرس، فكأنما أعتقني
[10] والذي يظهر أن القصة كانت قبل نزول الحجاب ومشروعيته
[11] كنت أخدم الزبير خدمة البيت
[12] عن أنس قال: مات ابن لأبي طلحة من أم سليم، فقالت لأهلها: لا تحدثوا أبا طلحة بابنه حتى أكون أنا أحدثه، قال: فجاء فقربت إليه عشاء فأكل وشرب، فقال: ثم تصنعت له أحسن ما كان تتصنع قبل ذلك فوقع بها، فلما رأت أنه قد شبع وأصاب منها، قالت: يا أبا طلحة، أرأيت لو أن قوما أعاروا عاريتهم أهل بيت فطلبوا عاريتهم ألهم أن يمنعوهم؟ قال: لا، قالت: فاحتسب ابنك، قال فغضب وقال: تركتني حتى تلطخت ثم أخبرتني بابني؟ فانطلق حتى أتى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فأخبره بما كان، فقال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: بارك الله لكما في غابر ليلتكما، قال: فحملت إلخ