تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ: لِمَالِهَا، وَلِحَسَبِهَا، وَلِجَمَالِهَا، وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ
A woman is married for one of four things; her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her piety. Be successful by marrying a woman who is compatible to you in piety! If you do not, you will be deprived of goodness. [Muslim:1466]
The blessed Hadith of Rasulluah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) explains that there are four fundamental qualities considered when looking for a spouse. Wealth, beauty, family, and piety. Furthermore, directive is clearly given to prioritise piety and Deen over the other three. The hadith does not command that they be ignored, rather, that above everything else we should look at how much of Deen a potential spouse has. We are not discouraged from looking at beauty, for example, but only after being pleased with the level of Deen.
This is because, even though before marriage we might not see it, but the glue which bonds a couple is Taqwa. Why do you think the following verses are part of the Nikah Khutbah?
O people! Fear your Rabb, The One who has created you from one soul and subsequently created from it its partner and spread out from the couple multitudes of men and women. Fear Allah Ta’ala Whom you invoke when asking one another (you ask each other favours and rights in His name) and (fear violating the rights of) family members. Verily Allah Ta’ala is All Watching over you. [An Nisaa:1]
Why is it that in Surah Talaaq (which deals with various aspects of marriage), Allah Ta’ala repeats the exhortation of Taqwa in nearly every Ayah? These are just two from a multitude of examples in the Quran Shareef, wherein Allah Ta’ala has linked marriage to Taqwa.
Our primary catalyst for choosing a spouse must be Taqwa. This is the correct process which, Insha Allah, will bring the desired result; a happy, fulfilled marriage, a content life, and a partner to grow old with.
Unfortunately, just like everything else, we have monetized marriage too! It’s no more about who will take care of my daughter, or who will be the best support for my son. We now look at the pockets of the potential suitor before considering their Akhlaq, Taqwa, kindness or congeniality. Needless to say, the result is disastrous. The fact that it’s normal to ask about the boys’ income on a ‘samosa run’ says a lot about where our mindset is as an Ummah.
We have been taught that if a boy and girl marry with the correct Niyyah, Allah Ta’ala has divinely guaranteed taking care of them financially. See the following Hadith of Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam).
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: ” ثَلَاثَةٌ حَقٌّ عَلَى اللَّهِ عَوْنُهُمْ: المُجَاهِدُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ، وَالمُكَاتَبُ الَّذِي يُرِيدُ الأَدَاءَ، وَالنَّاكِحُ الَّذِي يُرِيدُ العَفَافَ “
Three people, Allah Ta’ala has taken it upon Himself to assist them; The Mujahid in His path, the slave who is paying to earn his freedom, and the one who gets married to keep himself/herself chaste. [Tirmizi:1655 Nasai:3120,3218]
Allamah Tibi (Rahimahullah) explains under this Hadith, that the three actions mentioned are from among those most difficult upon the Nafs, the most difficult being controlling one’s lust [Mirqaat:3089]. Therefore, Allah Ta’ala has guaranteed His divine assistance to a person who marries, inter-alia to protect his chastity.
Some parents refuse to marry their daughters to righteous suitors because of their financial status. But they accept marriage to unrighteous men who are rich, expressing hope that Allah Ta’ala will guide them. The more sensibile thing to do, in the light of the Ahadith, would be to marry their child to someone who has good morals and Taqwa, and express hope that Allah Ta’ala will fulfil His promise of enriching the couple.
And can anyone be more truthful than Allah Ta’ala in speech?! [An Nisaa:122]
How amazing is it that Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) has lovingly advised us in this regard too:
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: إِذَا خَطَبَ إِلَيْكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ دِينَهُ وَخُلُقَهُ فَزَوِّجُوهُ، إِلاَّ تَفْعَلُوا تَكُنْ فِتْنَةٌ فِي الأَرْضِ، وَفَسَادٌ عَرِيضٌ.
When a person proposes and you are pleased with his character and level of Deen, then marry (your child off to) him. If you do not do so, it will cause widespread corruption on earth and great Fitna. [Tirmizi:1084]
Let us ask ourselves, ‘Is the One Who guides not also the One Who provides?!’ Don’t be afraid of poverty when it comes to marriage!
Umar Bin Khattab (Radiyahllahu Anhu) said:
“I have never seen anything stranger than a man who does not seek richness through marriage (meaning he wants wealth, and tries everything else to get it besides marrying for Allah Ta’ala;s pleasure). Whereas, Allah Ta’ala has promised wealth, as a result of it (i.e. marriage):
‘…if they are poor, Allah Ta’ala will enrich them out of His Bounty.’ [An Nur:32]
[Ad-Durr al-Manthūr:5/80-81]