أكملُ المؤمنين إيمانًا أحسنُهم خُلقًا وخيارُكم خيارُكم لأهلِه – و زاد الترمذي – و أنا خيركم لأهلي
The Mu’min with the highest level of Imaan is the one who possess the highest level of character, and the best of you is the one who is best behaved towards his family…. and I am the best among you to my family. [Abu Dawood:4682, Tirmizi:3895]
REAL MEN ARE MEN OF SUNNAH
Many men are reluctant in doing domestic work at home. In fact, many people are of the opinion that they will lose their status as men by assisting in household chores. However, the practice of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam) was contrary to this. It is narrated by Hadhrat Aishah (Radiyallahu Anha), “Rasulullah used to assist in household chores and when the time for Salaah would approach, he would leave immediately for Salaah.”
In another Hadith it is mentioned that once Hadhrat Aishah (Radiyallahu Anhu) was asked, “What work did Rasulullah do while at home?” She replied, “Rasulullah was a man among men. He would clean his own clothes, milk the goats and take care of himself.”
If all men, in present times, follow this wonderful example, we will also reap the following benefits:
- We will be fulfilling a Sunnah of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam) which is the greatest benefit.
- We will be of assistance to our families at home.
- Pride and arrogance will be eliminated and humility will develop in us.
The following are some examples of work that could be carried out by men in their homes:
- Setting and clearing of the Dastarkhaan for meals.
- Helping with the dishes.
- Putting away the ironing.
- Helping with the children.
- Making the bed after sleeping.
- Helping the children with their Sabak and homework.
- Light maintenance work at home e.g. changing globes, tap washers, etc.
Unfortunately, some men possess a very demanding nature. Instead of assisting with the children and household work, they demand attention for themselves. At meal times they will want to be served all the time without offering any assistance. It is of utmost importance that we forsake this attitude and bring alive the Mubaarak Sunnah of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam) of assisting in household work. By practising on this sunnah it will also assist in strengthening the bond between husband and wife and help in creating a loving, caring environment in one’s home. This sunnah is in-fact a prescription to cure many of the ills which are so common in marriages today.
The following is a malfooz (saying) of Hadhrat Moulana Ashraf Ali Thaanwi (Rahimahullah):
“This is something that I don’t wish to mention, but due to necessity I am saying it. If you wish you can find out from my wife how I conduct myself with her at home and what service I take from her, Alhamdulillah neither am I restricted, nor do I restrict anyone else. In this way, one lives like a king.
It is always my practice that when I go home to eat and if there isn’t any fresh bread that has been baked then I eat the bread which was left over from the previous day. Most of the time when I arrive home and I see my wife engaged in some household work, I take the bread myself, fill the container with water, dish out the curry from the pot and sit down to eat. Actually, if I see that she is busy cooking and she needs anything at that time, for example she needs water for cooking, I will fetch the water for her from the water pump and first give it to her.
If I see that she is not busy doing any work then I will ask her to serve me. It is very important to be considerate in these aspects. After all, she also is a human being. It is not possible for her temperament to remain the same all the time. Even a servant feels lethargic at times.
I do lots of work on my own and I don’t regard it as a burden. If she wants to be of any service to me, I allow her and I feel comforted that she is serving me. She also feels at ease when I am at ease. At nights I sleep very little but when I see my wife fast asleep, I thank Allah Ta’ala that she sleeps so well otherwise I would have been burdened with a double worry, one that I cannot sleep and the other that she cannot sleep.
When I am about to leave the house, I ask her if there is anything that needs to be done before I go. If she doesn’t need anything, then I leave. If she indicated that there was some work to do, I would remain behind and complete the chore. For example, if there was a Ietter to write to someone, then I would complete writing it before leaving the house. After meals if I felt like eating some paan, I would ask her where the container with the paan is kept. She would point it out to me and I would take out the paan and help myself. In present times the youngsters call their wives their life companions. What companionship are they talking about? Have they even fulfilled the rights of this companionship? This is mere lip service. In fact, instead of being their life companions they have distanced their wives because of their uncaring attitude.”
[Misaali Gharaana pg. 56]
May Allah Ta‘ala enable us all to follow in the Mubaarak footsteps of our noble master Sayyidinah Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam) and grant us the Taufeeq and ability to be of assistance in our homes. Aameen.
[Source: Jamiatul Ulama]
The Impeccable Character of Hazrat Aarifi (Rahimahullah)
Shaykh Dr. Abdul-Hayy al-Arifi (Rahimahullah) once said to his students, “In 55 years of marriage, I have never spoken to my wife in a harsh tone!” Dr. Arifi was a medical practitioner by trade and, at the same time, very pious and knowledgeable, and a spiritual teacher of many scholars including my teacher Shaykh Mufti Taqi Usmani (Rahimahullah) Shaykh Taqi (Rahimahullah) comments saying that people only highlight long prayers, excessive worship, etc as great achievements of the pious Awliya, but for me this is one of the greatest accomplishments, because remaining steadfast on such good behaviour for so many years — and that too with someone you live — is not short of being a miracle! SubhanAllah!