Dear Son, you will not attain good fortune in your home except by ten characteristics which you need to show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.
- Women like attention and they like to be told clearly that they are loved. Therefore, do not be stingy in expressing your love for your wife.
- If you become limited in expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between yourselves, and the affection between your hearts will reduce.
- Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft, vulnerable one. Consequently, use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love, and it will bring peace of mind.
- Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them, i.e. kind words, a neat appearance, clean clothes, and a pleasant scent. Therefore, always remain in that state.
- Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. Whilst she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne and that she is chief of the house. Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at he who tries to strip him of his authority, even though he may not express it.
- A woman wants to love her husband but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family on opposite sides, because her choice will then be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life.
- Surely women have been created from a curved rib. This is the secret of her beauty and the secret of the attention towards her. And this is no defect in her because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved.’ So, if she errs, do not rebuke her in a way that there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her, otherwise you will simply break her, and her breaking is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon her mistakes, otherwise her crookedness will increase, and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter she will never soften for you, and she will not listen to you, so stay in between the two.
- It is in the nature of a woman to be ungrateful to her husband and to deny favours. If you were to be nice to her for her whole life and then you grieved her once, she will say: “I have never seen any good from you.” So do not let this attitude of her make you dislike her or to run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some good habits within her, so create a balance.
- Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind. Such that Allah Ta’ala has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships during that period. Allah Ta’ala has totally pardoned her from Salah and has postponed the days of fasting for her until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a royal manner. Just as Allah Ta’ala has relieved her of her duties, you should also lessen your demands from and commands to her during those days.
- Finally, know that a woman is like a captive with you; therefore, have mercy upon her.
10 (plus 1) Advices from Hazrat Hafiz Qasim Paruk (Hafizahullah)
Hazrat penned this guidance for the benefit of our womenfolk, to compliment the advice of Imam Ahmad (Rahimahullah).
- Just as women like attention, please do not forget to say that you love your husband. To think that love is understood, without expressing words of affection; is not possible and it hurts.
- Shower him with affectionate language constantly and you have a servant for life!
- Just as ladies hate a stern husband – a sharp-tongued wife’s reputation will be greatly compromised.
- Whilst the husband accepts the sovereignty of the wife within the home, compassion in delegation goes a long way in defining a happy environment.
- PLEASE dress up for your husband and not for others! Many wives are boring at home but dressed to kill when they leave home! The husband feels greatly grieved at the hankering of attention from others and depriving him of the true beauty of his wife.
- Please respect the husband’s family and do not regard them as a burden. We generally have distorted preferences which impact negatively on each other. If there is something to discuss, do it softly and not threateningly. If there is a respectful approach from both sides, this will create a smooth life for all involved.
- Husbands make mistakes; do not pound them because of their errors at the first instance. Rather, tackle him when he is alone and settled. He will feel so lousy at his behaviour, that he will go to great lengths to look after the wife’s heart in future. In most cases, the poor hubby is left out of pocket to appease the ‘hurt’ of the wife!
- Yes, husbands can be nags! They get irritated at some of the most stupid of things. Do not let this eruption of negativity affect you. In most instances, something is troubling him, and he is consumed by the problem hence the poor behaviour. ‘ATTACK’ him when he is relaxed. You may lose the battle, but your reminding him in an amicable way will cause you to win the war! Serious, it is true!
- When the wife is pardoned by Allah Ta’ala for her weakness, please show some form of affection to the hubby. He also feels ignored at the lack of attention. Especially in the environment of immodesty nowadays. The wife must take care that she has a firm grip on the heart of the husband. The hubby will definitely be affected by the display of love which will cause him to be LOYAL. Please understand this!
- We understand that our wives are like ‘captives,’ however if they look after the occasions of interaction, they (the wife) will in fact have a slave for life.
- Please take care with regards to finances. If the wife shows her understanding and relates to the husband’s pocket, it is deeply appreciated. Sometimes, (well mostly I admit), the husband does not express appreciation, but he most certainly is affected and will react with compassion at a later stage.