- The occasion of two people bonding is a Mubarak occasion. Every Nikah gives us a reminder. The essentials of Nikah are merely offer and acceptance in front of an Alim with 2 witnesses. Why has the Hadith encouraged us to announce it and do it publicly, being discouraged from carrying it out in private?
It’s to teach us to celebrate, enjoy and be present and happy at the occasions of others. The more people who come, the more blessed the Nikah will be. People add to the joy of the occasion. Its part of our Deen to celebrate and congratulate on the occasions of others.
- Abdullah Bin Abbas (Radiyahllahu Anhu) mentions,
وَفِيَّ ثَلَاثُ خِصَالٍ: إِنِّي لَآتِي عَلَى الْآيَةِ مِنْ كِتَابِ اللهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ، فَلَوَدِدْتُ أَنَّ جَمِيعَ النَّاسِ يَعْلَمُونَ مِنْهَا مَا أَعْلَمُ مِنْهَا، وَإِنِّي لَأَسْمَعُ بِالْحَاكِمِ مِنْ حُكَّامِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ يَعْدِلُ فِي حُكْمِهِ فَأَفْرَحُ بِهِ، وَلِعَلِّي لَا أُقاضِي إِلَيْهِ أَبَدًا، وَإِنِّي لَأَسْمَعُ بِالْغَيْثِ قَدْ أَصَابَ الْبَلَدَ مِنْ بِلَادِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ فَأَفْرَحُ، وَمَا لِي بِهِ مِنِ سَائِمَةٍ “
“I have three qualities;
- I come across an Ayah of the Book of Allah Ta’ala, and I wish the entire mankind knew what I know (of the secrets within that verse). (Just as Allah Ta’ala has blessed me, I wish the entire Ummah could know the beauty of this verse).
- I hear of a Muslim leader executing his rule justly, and I become overjoyed. Even though I will never be affected by his verdicts (my joy is for the subjects who are benefitting from this justice).
- I hear regarding good rains which fell on Muslim lands, and I become overjoyed. Even though I have no livestock or crop in that land (my joy is for the people of the land benefitting from the rain).” [Mu’jamul Kabeer:10621]
- Phycologists explain that if you train yourself to only be happy when things work out for you, then you’ll be a very sad person. Train yourself to be happy for the joy of others, you will be perpetually happy. There’ll be no end to your happiness.
- Congratulate others on their joys and achievements. This is the teaching of our Deen.
- In everything you get good and bad. Business, exercise, and marriage as well. Some Nikahs end up unhappy and bad. What converts a marriage into a good one? What are the differentiating factors between a good marriage and a bad one?
- Quran speaks about Nikah using the words Sukoon (peace/contentment), Mawaddah (love), Rahmah (mercy). We find most people speak down at marriage. why? Understand it can’t be that Quran is wrong! If your marriage doesn’t have these things, it’s something wrong with you. A ‘user-error’. There’s something you doing incorrectly, that’s why the Nikah has ended up where it is.
- So, what is that missing ingredient? It’s one simple ingredient known as the Sunnah. Sunnah is the difference between a good marriage and a bad one. If you want to turn your marriage from bad to good, simply add this missing ingredient.
- Imam Bukhari narrates a Hadith from Aisha (Radiyahllahu Anha). In it she explains that Madinah Munawwarah was a land of sickness, disease, and dirt. The water coming out of the wells would be black and dirty. Some Sahabah (Radiyahllahu Anhum) also felt the effects of this shortly after Hijrah. Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) noticed this and made Dua for Madinah Munawwarah to become beloved to the Sahabah (Radiyahllahu Anhum) just like Makkah Mukarramah was, and even more so. And cure and save the people who visit Madinah Munawwarah from sickness and fever. [Bukhari:1889]
Ever since that day, the land of Madinah Munawwarah changed totally. The water became sweet, the fruit luscious and sickness no more. In fact, now when we enter Madinah Munawwarah our sickness vasnishes. If someone entered and he was feeling sick, he gets better on entering. Now when he has to leave, he feels sick again. The one who enters with a headache, leaves with a heartache.
- What caused this total change. Two things; The presence of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) and the Dua of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam). Every speck of dust and item of Madinah Munawwarah is now blessed and a thing of Tabarruk. Wherever there is the Rasul of Allah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam), there is blessing and brightness. If we want this blessing and illumination in anything, bring the Sunnah of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) into that thing. If you want it in your home, bring the Sunnah into your home. If you want it in your marriage, bring the Sunnah into your marriage. and if we want the Duas then recite Durood. Allah Ta’ala will grant us his (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) Duas. Sunnah and Durood. Our homes will become like Madinah Munawwarah, and our marriages like Sahabah (Radiyahllahu Anhum).
- What can we start with?
Abu Dujanah (Radiyahllahu Anhu) was a great Sahabi. He was one of the bravest warriors and fought every battle with Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam). Once he fell ill. Sahabh who came to visit him noticed his face filled with beauty and shining. Upon enquiring how, he said that there were two actions he hoped in Allah Ta’ala’s mercy through. He held the sword of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) and fought in every battle, yet he had the most hope in these two deeds. He said;
- I never spoke regarding that which did not concern me.
We going to be in a Nikah. We will interact with different people from different walks of life. Look after the tongue. This is a core element of relationships breaking and marriages breaking. A person enters Nikah via his tongue and exits Nikah via his tongue. Just as words make a Nikah, words break a Nikah too.
The Nabi of Allah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) would be careful to make Miswaak before entering the home. This was to teach us that we should not offend anyone with the natural odour which comes from the mouth. How much more careful should we be not to harm anyone with our tongues! Watch your tongue. Be careful with regards to how you speak.
Speak to people nicely [Baqarah:83]
- Someone advised. Never answer in anger. If someone tells you something unsavoury, then pause before answering. If he is your elder count from one to thirty before answering. If he is a contemporary, count from one to fifteen. If he is a junior, count from one to five. And if it is your spouse, don’t stop counting. Just keep counting and don’t give an answer.
- Once a couple went to a Hakeem for a ‘cure’ for their marriage. they were always fighting and bickering. He gave them a tea, with the instruction to boil it and drink it whenever they started getting into an argument. But the direction of administering is that every sip of the tea must be kept on the tongue and swirled in the palette for twenty seconds before swallowing. After a month their marriage was totally changed. Even outsiders wanted to know their secret. They went back and requested the Hakeem to share the secret recipe so they could market it. He said it’s a regular tea. The secret is that when the tea is in your mouths, both of you aren’t able to talk and argue. This is the secret. There should never be an occasion when both husband and wife are raising their voices at the same time.
- There can’t be a better husband than Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam). He had and took excellent care of nine wives at one time.
- My heart is always clean regarding the believers. [Siyar A’laam Nubalaa:3/1152]
If we want our faces to shine, clean our hearts. The glow on the face is a reflection of the sparkle in the heart. Whether its in Nikah or out of Nikah.
- Be careful of our behaviour. Ask for forgiveness from our spouses. Overlook the past and look forward. Validate others. Wish well for them.
- Mashwera and seeking counsel is imperative in Nikah. Sit and discuss daily when the minds are calm. A relationship rests on communication. Mashwera is this communication. It doesn’t mean you have to have a long meeting or formal conversation. Without conversation, misunderstanding reigns supreme. Clear the minds and clear any doubt in the marriage immediately. Shaytan keeps injecting and destroying a marriage is his greatest joy. Before you hold a grudge, hold a conversation.
- May Allah Ta’ala grant us Tawfeeq to fulfil every Sunnah of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) in our homes, marriages and families. Aameen.
[These advices were shared by Hazrat Moulana Zakariya Motala Sahib. Nikah lecture after Asr Salaah, Stanger Jami Masjid. Friday, 23 January 2026]