- Honour your in-laws as your own parents. Remember, it is through them that you received the wonderful man who is now your life partner.
- Avoid comparisons. Do not compare them to your own parents in a way that makes your spouse feel his parents are inadequate.
- Appreciate their gifts. Whatever they give, accept it with gratitude and never pass unkind remarks.
- Speak well of them. Praise them in front of your husband, family, and friends. Even if love for them has not yet taken root, this habit will slowly cultivate genuine affection in your heart.
- Acknowledge their humanity. Your in-laws are also human beings with faults and shortcomings. Just as you would never abandon your own parents because of their flaws, do not expect perfection from your husband’s parents. Overlook their faults, and Allah Ta’ala will, in turn, conceal yours on the Day of Judgement.
- Lower your expectations. This sacred bond is not only a major adjustment for you, but also for them. Their beloved son is no longer exclusively theirs; he now belongs to you as well. This new phase requires patience, understanding, and the willingness to share.
- Treat your in laws with respect. Even a single harsh word can leave behind a lasting scar and create a permanent rift.
- Be grateful, not jealous. When your children show love to their grandparents, cherish it. Do not deprive them of this bond out of jealousy. Reflect on the point that would you be happy if your brother’s wife prevented your parents from receiving love from their grandchildren?
- Make them feel welcome. When your in-laws visit, do everything you can to make them feel comfortable and at ease. Likewise, when you visit them, assist and help out as much as possible so that your presence brings them happiness.
- Honor your mother-in-law. Regard her instructions as you would those of your own mother. Give priority to pleasing her, even if she at times treats you unfairly. Always speak to her with respect, never as you would to an equal. If she scolds you, remain silent with patience, and never respond with harshness.
- Guard your children’s hearts. Never speak negatively about your in-laws in front of your children. If they overstep their boundaries, address the matter privately with your husband.
- Do not burden your husband. Never drag him into an argument between you and your mother-in-law, as this places him in a very difficult position. If you have an issue, raise it directly with her in a respectful and dignified manner. With maturity and patience, many problems can be resolved amicably.
- Be a giver, not a demander. Do not constantly insist on your own rights being fulfilled. Instead, focus on fulfilling the rights of others. When you adopt this attitude of selflessness, you will find that those around you will naturally begin to fulfil your rights without you having to demand them.
- Honour your in-laws with service. If your in-laws have no one else to live with, willingly offer them a place in your home especially after the passing of your father-in-law. Serving them is not a burden, but an honour that elevates you in the Hereafter, for service to creation draws you closer to Allah Himself. Never force your husband into choosing between you and his mother; such selfishness destroys harmony. Remember, what you do will return to you. One day, you too will grow old and need care. Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam) said:
إن من إجلالِ الله إكرامَ ذي الشيبَةِ المسلمِ، وحاملِ القُرآنِ … وإكرَامَ ذي السُّلطَانِ المُقْسِطِ
“It is part of honouring Allah Ta’ala to honour a grey-haired Muslim, and to honour the one who bears the Qur’ān … , and to honour a just ruler.” [Sunan Abi Dawood:4843]